Taking a Vikings Chill Pill

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - SEPTEMBER 27: Blair Walsh #3 of the Minnesota Vikings sits on the bench before the game against the San Diego Chargers on September 27, 2015 at TCF Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)
(Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

Feeling a little uneasy—something anchored in your stomach? Not sure exactly why when things are going so perfectly. No symptoms or warning-signs, and yet something just isn’t right.

Chances are you’re one of millions suffering from the debilitating disease known as Minnesota Vikings Fandom. Vikings Fandom is a serious, life-long disorder with both mental and physical side effects. Varying forms of medication are available to the public—most notably vodka. However studies have found early detection is the most effective way to curve the most dangerous symptoms of Vikings Fandom—false hope and inevitable letdown.

So if you feel like you should be way more excited that your Vikings are 5-0, the last undefeated team in the NFL, but you can’t seem to shake that funny gut feeling, it might be time to ask your Berserker Viking if treatment is right for you.

Don’t ignore the warning signs and let false hope set in—Minnesota’s five wins have come over teams with a combined record of 14-15. The Vikings have faced only one top-10 offense thus far (No. 4 Carolina) and three of their wins (Giants, Packers, Texans) have come over teams in the bottom-third of the league in scoring.

Sure the Sam Bradford trade looks great right now when his quarterback rating sits at a pristine 109.8—the only quarterback completing 70 percent of his passes. But how long before those numbers start creeping back towards his career averages, 81.38 and 60.94, respectively? Bradford hasn’t turned it over once, let’s not be fooled into thinking that will continue all year long.

Three of the next four games are on the road. Philadelphia and Washington could easily put a bruising on that rag-tag unit the Vikings are trying to pass off as an offensive line. But the Vikings Fandom false hope has some us spouting off on Twitter, sharing tweets about Super Bowl odds and projected first-round bye.

Don’t let this disease build you up, just to let you down. The signing of Jake Long will not fix everything. Starting-caliber left tackles aren’t waiting for jobs in October—they’re all signed in April. Long has had two ACL injuries in recent years and played 11 snaps of football in 2015. Some reports are he might not start this week against the Eagles. Don’t allow the daze of Vikings Fandom fever trick you into thinking Long will be anything more than serviceable and marginal upgrade over TJ Clemmings.

Millions are living with Vikings Fandom everyday. They don’t allow themselves to be reminded the season could once again come down to Blair Walsh. It is a courageous battle fought by many to not think about how the injuries the Vikings have endured have yet to hit the defensive side of the field or that the franchise will soon to be a crossroads with cornerstones Teddy Bridgewater and Adrian Peterson.

Recognizing these warning-signs and getting to a medical professional as soon as possible is the key to inevitable letdown prevention. The Vikings believe they may have found a remedy—Mike Zimmer. Zimmer has been a beacon of light, a symbol for everyone infected by this virus. The inevitable letdown and false hope still lingers but its effects are less gripping in the Zimmer era. His confidence and resiliency from the sideline is an airborne pathogen soothing his players, organization and fans.

How the team comes out of the bye on the road will show a lot about this coach and team. If it’s more of the same-old Vikings, the same reoccurring symptoms will rear their ugly heads.

If Minnesota is truly destined for something special this year, then the Eagles will have no chance and you might have an erection lasting longer than four hours and you’ll need to call your doctor (not the Berserker Viking) immediately.

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